World Token Hour

Cities around the world will turn off their lights to highlight global something or other and then turn them back on again.

A resident of one of the cities said "I feel it's a really good thing and it'll make all the difference in the world because it'll remind us that we have to continue next year and the year after that to turn off the lights for an hour."

Mugabe Wins

President Mugabe swept to an historic victory today

demonstrating that everybody supports his policies

and he's right all the time.

"Hey Boss we haven't counted the votes yet."

"Don't worry, I have won."

You Silver Tongued Devil

The highlights of the Sarkozy speech to Parliament,

"I come and go between your kidneys

"You are the wave, I am the naked island,"

"Physical love is a dead end street"

"I love you....me neither"

And then he snogged the entire Parliament.

Damn them froggies they're smooth

Victoria Derbyshire at her Best

"I feel I should give you some advice

but I don't know what it should be."

Well shut the fuck up then Victoria

Radio 5 presenter after a fashion

Hilary Lied

Sorry I misheadlined that.

Sorry I mis-spoke to the nation.

Top stuff from Beau Bo D'or

His Eminence the Holy Father Frankenstein

The church dispenses its wisdom on science, "Master, master....master"

thanks church, next time I vote I'll take into account the religious affiliations of the greedy arse who wants to be voted into Parliament.

Opineng Ohlimpcs Dispupted

It takes a special kind of sub to make a mistake twice and then not notice for an hour or so, still top news that the flaming olympics ceremony was disrupted.

FREE TIBET

Derby gets Spanked again

Here's an excerpt from Paul Jewel's sex tape as featured on the front page of The Star, he's worried millions will watch it, we've seen you Paul, this won't be a problem.

According to the Sun the hour long sex tape features a good spanking. So that explains Derby's performance this season. And please no jokes about Derby going down.

Emergency PR Please

" 'We must see through the secessionist forces' evil intentions, uphold the banner of maintaining social stability...and resolutely crush the 'Tibet independence' forces' conspiracy," the ruling party's flagship newspaper People's Daily said in an editorial."

as reported on AP.

It's refreshing to hear China states its intentions towards the Tibetan protests after all the drivel, lies and spin of nuLabor over the years.

Also a bit of a set back to all those people saying China will be careful to protect its image.

PR people may have their work cut out to improve China's image; no, no, you can't say "protect the organs of the state," people may misunderstand.

Barmy Ben Bradshaw

Barmy Ben Bradshaw brands Britain's wards. British American Tobacco along with McDonald's and possibly BAE will be able to sponsor hospital wards. So maybe as a patient comes out of his anaesthetic he may be offered a big mac or possibly a packet of Rothman's or even a fighter jet. Such fun in Britain these days as we are marketed to death.

Hair to Dye for

I don't want to be cruel but.....

Oh Cack

Truly, Maddingly Brilliant

Goodbye to Anthony Minghella.

King of Kings

Bear Stearns share chart plunging to $2.

OZYMANDIAS

by

Percy Bysshe Shelley

I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,

Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown

And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,

The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains: round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

And who's the next, take a look at Lehman Brothers chart

Whatcha think? An analyst said, anticipating its 1Q results due later today, that they would be
expected to be weak but not harmful to the existence of the company, hardly a ringing endorsement. Ooooooooh I love a good crisis.

The results turned out fairly well, shall we wait and see?

Deal or No Deal

The Wanker offered her £16.5 million but Heather went with her feelings and instincts and sold her box for £24.3 million.

That Stock Market Crash

this is from imageshack

Another Chinese Story

You've had one Chinese story and almost immediately here's another. Organizers of the Olympics are worried about holding the endurance events, like the marathon in Beijing because of the pollution. May I make a suggestion, they can be held in Tibet, the air is much cleaner and it would be a showcase for how beautiful the Chinese countryside is.

Chinese Restraint

I'm glad that the Chinese are showing restraint in Tibet, it must be very annoying to an unelected party to be challenged by people about the Chinese barging into Tibet and taking it over. It shows the compassion of the Chinese leadership that this person should only get a black eye when they protested about the Chonese being in their country.

They could have been summarily executed for their organs.

I'm also heartened to see that the British Government is pursuing a path of quiet diplomacy towards China and hopefully this won't endanger those contracts that the government is touting for.

So to all my readers in China I applaud the humanity and restraint of the Chinese government.

Jesus Christ!

On a Radio 4 God bothering program early Sunday morning.

"7% of atheists think Jesus was the son of God."

A Result in the Shannon Disappearance

ENGERLAND 1 PORTUGAL 0

ONE NIL TO THE ENGERLAND

ONE NIL TO THE ENGERLAND

A Big New Shed

Spritzer the Touchable

"I hope to continue the great tradition that you have created for us in this state of leadership in Albany.”

If you want to go with whores that's your thing but don't get all highly moral and falutin' and preach to us folks your crap.

t'Storm in't t'North

On the SkyNews site about the STORM,

a bit like the photo Aemon Holmes was touting earlier of a tree that been blown down, showing and impressive canopy of green leaves, look around, where are the green leaves? Look at this other picture

Not many leaves there.

A Safe Driver Then

Seen in the Independent


The driver of a car involved in a crash which left seven people dead and two children crictically injured was a convicted drink-driver who had been seen driving wrecklessly before the crash, it emerged yesterday.

Your Boys Took One Hell of a Beating

Your boys took one hell of a beating, corporate international football brand, are you listening you twerps in the corporate boxes? Are you listening Peter Scudamore and your greedy dreams. Are you listening Abramovich? You can't buy an FA Cup, you can buy as many players as you want but it will still mean nothing, because they're only playing for money, not the club or their supporters. Are you listening the Franchise Association? Are you listening that fat pompous Chelsea fan last night, who threw his toys out of the pram in the pub and the bottom lip started trembling, thought you couldn't lose? Well you did, so take it like a man not some rich kid who thought he'd picked all the good players and still got beat in the park. Ferguson stop mouthing off about the ref, you lost fair and square, take it like a man. you never complained about Roy Carroll oiking the ball back over the goal line a few seasons ago, if you'd been a fair man you would have said yes that was a goal, we lost and conceded the game.
Football has been corrupted by the money men and their avaricious dreams for their brands, it's been ruined by the glory hunter fans who have not an inkling of what it takes to support a football club. Football is not about money, it's about a game, not a brand, it's a game.
So to smash a cliche into the top left hand corner of the net, football was the winner today.

International Wimmin's Day

What I don't understand is why there isn't an international day for Men, and we could just go down the pub and celebrate it, hurrah it's international men's day hurrah, pints all round. And when we got back, there'd be a nice little supper waiting on the table, hurrah.

Mad Cow Outbreak Suspected

Died in the Wool

Amazing Bet Comes in

Pensioner George Truss became a multi-millionaire this afternoon when his triple Uhaventahoper came in. "I'm absolutely amazed, I can't believe it. Who are you? Get out of my house."
George had bet on a series of bizarre alibis being offered up to the police and amazingly they all came in. The first was for a serial killer of prostitutes to use the alibi that it was all just coincidence, nothing to do with him.
After that George started to get excited when he saw that a man had said that he'd had sex with a dying woman but hadn't killed her.
"That's when I thought that my luck might be in, how's Mildred?"
By then he just wanted two bizarre alibis to bring the millions in, "I was dead chuffed when I heard that man yesterday say that a woman had picked up his knife and stabbed herself 37 times, I was over the moon."
"And today a when I heard on the radio that a man convicted of raping and then murdering two women with a hammer had said it had been done by a hooded man who was in the house at the same time, well I just hobbled for joy."
George said he's going to spend his winnings on whores, Viagra and buckets of cocaine.

Always a Silver Lining to a Lot of Old Guff

World Math Day

Go figure.

Man of Peace Dr Ian Paisley Retires

Dr Ian Paisley, man of peace and understanding said today he would retire. Asked what he would do, he said,
"I UNEQUIVOCALLY DECLARE THAT NOW AND FOREVER I WILL ENJOY THE QUIET LIFE."

Paul Raymond Shuffles Off

So goodbye to the publisher of Mayfair and Men Only. Such fond memories of articles about Morgan racing cars and how Mosquitoes bombed the headquarters of the SS in Amsterdam, oh and naked totty.