Beering and Nuttiness

The advert is about crisps making you fat, so why don't they have a porker glugging on the cooking oil. Why do we have a photogenic model slurping on the oil? Let's have a chronically fat person on the poster, somebody we can identify with. Let's have Johnny Vegas or Phil Jupitas ("My Body Mass Index is 400 and when the nurse checks my blood pressure she runs away screaming 'he's going to blow'" or something like that on the News Quiz Radio 4 September 22) on that poster or is the problem that they might make it look a little bit too much fun and the British Heart Foundation (i love the way they say Don't Try This At Home on their site) or the nanny state don't want us naughty girls and boys to enjoy our tucker too much, or cigarettes, or drink.

Hang on a minute aren't we getting contradictory messages from the government. I love the way Blair and his Buggers bang on about burgers and obesity but really all they're worried about is the bottom line, the NHS is in crisis so stop the fatties having operations when they keel over with a heart attack, surely they've paid their taxes and they have a right to keel over with a heart attack whenever they want to.

And what's all this about smoking? Stop smoking oh please stop smoking, and if we do how will they make up the shortfall in taxes that smokers lovingly donate to their future care?

Drinking: oh please don't binge drink but we'll open up the pubs so you can sit around having late night discussions like satre and de beauvoir did about philsosophy and stuff, but usually it's more like Ollie Reed on a late night chat show marching around with his trousers around his ankles pissed to the gills. Anyway jean-paul and simone usually ended up arguing about how many of their students they'd slept with and pretending it didn't matter coz they were mature philosophers so it wasn't important where their smelly bits had been. I would have liked to see Ollie Reed arm wrestling JP Satre to see who was right about philosophy. I'm pretty sure Beering and Nuttiness would win out.