It's Their Own fault

Doctors say the NHS wasn't meant to treat ill people. "Quite frankly we have a lot of people turning up to surgeries and hospitals with illnesses and broken bones and things and we're just wasting resources on treating them," said Tobias Quackery, surgeon general of the General Medical Council.
In casualty they bleed and leave goo everywhere, he continued, and if you put them in a bed they just catch a cold or something and start complaining.
The government agrees and in an effort to focus patient care most hospitals will be sited in countryside at least five miles from a road and patients will have to walk to the hospital.
This should cut out any cases of people wilfully breaking their legs walking in front of cars and other malingerers who expect ambulances and helicopters to ferry them around everywhere.
So people with cancer and other malingerers can sort themselves out, said GP Susannah Cough, if you trip over whilst drinking a Pinot Grigio in a wine bar, get your chums to put a bandage on that head.
"It's very annoying having the waiting room full of coughing and hacking people, I find it very difficult to concentrate."
Old people will have to shuffle off somewhere else, "It's basically their fault for getting old, in the past they would have been left to go doolally and die of starvation or burnt as witches when they got annoying," said NHS chief administrator Tony Eichmann.
Maternity services will be radically reshaped said Al Johnson, the NHS lederine, “if those tarts want to get banged up they can start saving for their own forceps and towels.”
The government is thinking of extending this radical strategy to the police. Many "victims of street crime" are guilty of thrill seeking on a Friday night and it going wrong or fecklessly choose to live in the wrong areas.